Thursday, September 26, 2013

A Letter To The Waiting Fathers

Dear Dads,

I just want to take a moment and tell you that you are so important. I think that because your precious wives are often so outspoken and eloquent in their expression of the heartache of adoption, that you take your emotions and ride in the backseat while momma drives the adoption crazy train. You sign the papers, and the checks. You listen and offer your shoulder when we cry. You bring home the ice-cream, because paper pregnancy hormones count too. You look past the added pounds from that ice- cream and swear we haven't gained an ounce and we are still your beautiful bride. You encourage us to go have a girls night, or a mom's retreat, or just a nap, because you see how badly we need it. And sometimes, we forget that your heart is hurting too. You want to be so strong for us, and carry the burden. Maybe because we don't always see your tears, we think this doesn't affect you the same way. We know you love, but not like we do.

Can I just say I see you? Can I say thank you? Thank you for being the rocks that we need. Thank you for calming us in the middle of the night. For seeing our pain and grief and loving us through all of it. The mood swings, the ugly cry, the days we stay in our pajamas and fail to brush our hair and throw pizza at you... again. I know your love for our children is every bit as deep as ours, and not only do you carry their burden and brokenness deep inside your heart, you carry ours too. Thank you for learning about attachment, and racial issues, and brain development, and hair. You are so, so, important. THANK YOU. For encouraging and sharing the love for our children, the ones we haven't met yet, and the ones that just came home. Could we do it without you? Sure. Lots of single mothers do. But from the bottom of my heart, thank you for not letting us go this all alone. There is no greater comfort than when we really understand that you are in this thing every bit as much as we are.

To my own precious husband and fiercely loving father to my children both home and across the sea, thank you, my love. Thank you for all the wiped tears, and reassuring hugs. Thank you for being in this with me.


*Moments after I wrote this, I came across the following post written by a broken hearted waiting father. What grace. Thank you to Cruz's father. The world needs more men like this.


  1. Love!love!love! You have the biggest heart. Thank you for remembering the dads. Sometimes we all forget they suffer right along with us.