Thursday, January 31, 2013

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I spoke on the phone today with my sweet and sassy friend Shellie that encouraged me to get back on here and write something. I haven't felt that I have much to write recently. We have been chipping away at our dossier and home study paperwork.

Yesterday was our final home study and our home visit with our social worker. Everything went really well and we are blessed that our social worker in an adoptive mother herself, so she understands what we are going through and has a very calm, relaxed personality. We never felt as if she was questioning our ability to parent. Now we are only waiting on our passports to arrive in the mail, and then it's off to the capital to have everything certified by the Secretary of State! Road trip! I wonder if the zoo is any good.

We bought a crib yesterday. It sits in a cozy space in our bedroom, waiting. Complete with organic cotton, and gender neutral bedding. Only the best for our baby. :)

We have a name picked out for our someday child. Nope, not telling! We want to keep some things a surprise. We changed our referral age, again. Not telling what that is either. I am mean, aren't I? With a pregnancy there is much left to the unknown, and the parents can choose whether or not to reveal things like gender and names, but with an adoption, people want all the info ASAP. I understand, but it is likely that this is our one shot to adopt. We have had to get creative to find the funding and it's a trying process. I never say never, but I feel like this adoption will complete our family. So, I'd like to maintain some level of surprise. I want to savor this experience. I know it will be long and hard. It is hard to explain to people that have not adopted or are in the process of adopting the intense love you have for your child that you have never laid eyes on. It's real. It's deep. It's so intense that it is painful. I was pregnant twice and this is SO much like that. Only this time, I'm not sure my baby is being fed well. I can't take prenatal vitamins. I can only fill out papers, write checks, and pray. Another difference is the overwhelming love and support that I have received from other adopting parents. It's amazing. These moms are who I want to be when I grow up! Because they don't only care for the kids they are adopting, they care for all of the orphans. They care about my kids and my family. They care about me. I care about them too. I have wept for lost children. I have mourned with mothers as I read their stories. Stories like the C family. Their beautiful girl Rory Grace lost her life in an orphanage before she ever had the chance to smell her mamma's hair, or fall asleep in the safety of her father's arms. She is home now, but her home is in heaven. I believe she is at peace with her Heavenly Father, but my heart breaks for her family left behind. And how does Momma get through the day? She advocates for orphans, and continues to move forward to bring another precious daughter home. Read more here.

Moms like Kati, who only months after exhausting her resources bringing home her 2 children, is scurrying to find a way to bring home their older sister, age 6, who's father is making the hard choice to give his eldest a chance at a life. Let's bring her home together! Skip a latte or take out and give what you can. She has been an honest friend to me. I'm keeping her.

And moms like Erica, who opened her life and home to me, and invited me in to her sweet network of mothers. She made me mixed Cd's, y'all. She is excited for me while she has waited 4 YEARS+ for her sweet Khloe! Erica had reason to be jaded, but chooses to live her life gracefully and with hope and a sweet smile on her face! She told me I'm not alone. It stuck with me, and tonight as we heard some discouraging news about upcoming changes to adoption time frames in our chosen country, (an additional 3-6 months of waiting) I flashed back to that morning that I met her in the coffee shop. We could barely shut up. I could have talked to her all day. At one point I broke into tears, and she reached her hand across the table to hold mine and said, "You're not alone." Her story, her wait, is a reminder to me that come what may, we are not alone and someone understands. She is having a super cool adoption fund raising raffle right now to help with travel expenses to fly to China and scoop up the cutest little panda bear you ever saw! See her here and enter to win a sweet iPad package!

I guess I did have something to write about, Shellie. :)

And because no adoption blog post is complete without a tear-jerker photo, here's "My Brother In Africa" by our daughter.



  1. Oh my sweet Sister in Adoption. I feel for you. It's great you have created such a support system. You will need it. The road is hard, emotional, and long and all we have is other mommas to help get us through. But you WILL get through it. Stay strong, stay focused, your baby is out there and will be so worth every single second of the wait. My advice..keep busy, keep building your support. And your friend is are not alone.

    1. Thank you, sweet friend. Seeing your sons sweet faces gives me a little pick me up. They really do come home, and they ARE so worth it! Your babies are a world away from loneliness and poverty and are safe in your arms! We will bring ours home and look back on all of this and be able to breathe again.